It's time to take out of the memories box an oldie but goodie:

So you won't say I'm a cheap bastard, I also brought the girls:

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It's hard to write something for someone that I hold in such high regard, and not only from an intellectual standpoint. So instead of doing the usual best wishes thing, I'd like to take some time to thank you for the effort and hard work you've put into this place. Know that said efforts are deeply appreciated by everyone in here, and that you have touched our lives in more ways than just providing us with a place to hang out and be asses to each other.

That's not to say I don't want to give you best wishes. I do. I sincerely hope things work out in the best possible way for you. I would be honored to meet you in real life and call you my friend, but since that is out of the question for the time being, I'd like you to know that there is someone over here that remembers you in this day.

Thank you. And Happy Birthday.

NOW BRING ON THE MAN ASS!