1. Heat. I live in the fucking tropic, so tough shit. And it's especially shitty when my car's A/C breaks (like...NOW) and my wife won't let me use hers. Anyway, fuck heat, I'd rather live up there in the tundra with Yoda and die in the fangs of a polar bear if I had the chance of not being hot ever again.

2. Mosquitos. Again, tough shit. Over here some of them are the size of Meganeuras, so that adds to the thrill of going out on summer nights while avoiding being drained out of all of your blood in a matter of minutes.

3. Seafood. Holy crap I hate it. I can only stomach certain dishes with fish. But anything beyond that is out of the question. And it's not even an allergies thing or whatever. I just can't fucking stand the flavor and consistency of some of the ocean's most treasured delicacies.

4. Condiments. Damn them all to hell. I hate ketchup, mayo, mustard and anything in between that can be squirted, smeared or splooged over food. If you seat next to me at dinner, and whip out nonchalantly your huge fucking bottle of ketchup, you're going to get my trademark evil eye and will probably develope explosive diarrhoea by the sheer force of my willpower.

5. Headaches. I'm very prone to migraines, and even the mildest headache can quickly develop into an apocalyptic nightmare of pain, nausea and misery in the right circumstances. So everytime I start getting that very special feeling on my forehead and temples, I get very cranky because I know what's usually coming next.