Dear Bugsy,

I am very disappointed that you have once again tried to think for yourself. This is yet another example of why thinking must at all times be left to those who are qualified, such as Dr. Foolz. If you had considered things as a professional would have, you would have realised that I already knew this, and had even prepared a one musical equipment store in Cyprus joke, but being more than a mere amateur, I instead decided to go with a more contemporary and cutting social comment on Cyprus and Greece's current economical woes. This not only made my response more modern and relevant, but also avoided repetition of material. What allowed me to safely set up such a joke was this very knowledge, as when considering such a serious thing as life advice, it is important to only joke where advice does not apply: eg. suggesting you go to musical equipment stores which do not exist.

travo said:

Dear Dr.  Foolz,

Gaminggeek seems to be missing, possibly in India, more likely not.  Any advice on how to bring him back to this site without any strange and unusual ailments?

Sincerely,

Trav.

Dear Travo,

GG shall always return; do not worry. As can be seen in the Animal Crossing thread!

Yours sincerely,

Dr. Foolz.

Dear Dr Foolz:

Ass or Titties?

Sincerley,

GME

Dear Dvader,

I would suggest removing the listed untalented, padded "athletes" and replacing them with the likes of Robin Van Persie and Mata; they will use up a lot of your budget, but guarantee you a points return. For the cheaper players it's generally best to focus on new signings like Wilfred Bony, because due to being unproven their price will be low, but if you pick well, their potential high. Of course last season's break out stars might also be of reasonable value depending on the context their team finds themselves in, so it's all a question of balance.

Yours sincerely,

Dr. Foolz.

Dear GME,

You appear to be a fan of He-Man, and with his high level of moral decency and chivalry he makes for a fine role model. You have chosen a fine fictional character to worship, so I thought I would ask He-Man for you. He-Man told me he prefers asses, and has a thing for pecs, but tits make him vomit.

Yours sincerely,

Dr. Foolz

Dear GG,

I would suggest you stop trying to call them. Calling them eats into your credit as well, so you're effectively leaking money trying to stop the leak. The best thing to do would be to close your bank account; this might seem like a drastic action, but the next stage of my plan is for you to fake your own death. If you leave your bank account active and they keep eating into it even after you're dead, then your family will have to pay your debts. I am sure you wouldn't want to burden them in that way.

Once you have faked your own death, travel discretely to India by raft, using your powerful bouts of diarrhoea in place of a motor boat's propeller. Spicy food is cheaper than fuel, and you'll need to keep what little savings you have left over for weapons once you arrive in India. Once in India buy the required weapons and seek out your telecommunication provider's offices, and wreak your powerful vengeance; making sure to excrete on the dead bodies so that India remembers that they've wronged you in numerous ways.

Yours sincerely,

Dr. Foolz