| Platform | OVERALL |
|---|---|
| PC | 2.50 |
| Overall | 2.50 |
|
Many people complain that game reviews only use the top half of the scale, I say the reason for that is because we generally don't play bad games. Umbrella Corps is reason the bottom half of the scale exists. It is a online TPS that is the worst product to ever be part of the Resident Evil franchise. You can tell its shit from the moment the announcer says the title “Umbrella Corps” with no enthusiasm to the point where I could tell that person realized this was the lowest point of their life. There are two game modes, online and the pathetic excuse for a campaign called the experiment. Let's start with the experiment, here you battle through the game's five maps and have three different objectives. So the first mission is to collect DNA samples which drop when you kill enemies. Next mission is collect briefcases around the level. And the other is control where you stand in 5 different spots for 10 seconds. That's it, that's all the objective types. As you go deeper in the game you have to do all objectives in one go, one after another and if you die in the very last one you have to start the whole mission over. You still do 5 missions per map so all they do is change the order of the objectives; now you find briefcases first! Sometimes they add a new enemy or something, still it's beyond fucking lazy. This goes on for 25 missions or so of pure boredom. The gameplay is awful, the characters move as if they are on roller skates rolling around a floor covered with more vaseline than an gang bang porn star while drunk. Stuff like physics and momentum don't exist in this world, you can crawl at the same speed as you run even if you do it to the side or backward. The camera is placed so close to character that he blocks like 40% of the screen, imagine being in aim mode of RE4 all the time while moving super fast, it's a shit show. Shooting isn't exactly bad, you can aim in first person for more precise shots and bullets impact as they should. There is some kind of cover system but it is the worst kind of sticky cover that is a pain to get in and out of and what's the damn point when monsters love to run around and jump at you from the sides. Finally you have your normal melee punch and an axe you can use to melee for instant human kills in pvp. This is so OP that most people just run around (or crawl run!) with an axe. It's hard to describe how fucking terrible these missions are. Enemies spawn from random puddles on the floor, they just stand around until they spot you then they charge at you from all sides and since you can't see shit being blindsided is a common occurrence. But the worst shit are the birds, out of fucking nowhere these demon spawn assholes fly down and start pecking at you in this terrible angle that's above and to the right of your head so if you melee straight you miss. They infinite spawn, they just keep coming from some hell portal. There is no strategy, no proper flow to the mission, it's just a bunch of sliding around and shooting random shit in the face. The maps are taken from classic RE locations like the RE4 village but everything that made those locations work is missing, it's incredible how important the feel of gameplay is. The missions are tied together loosely by a terrible written story that shows up when selecting the mission. It's all diary entries from some random guy who acts like a five year old saying stuff like “I hope Jim dies cause he has a stupid nose!” It adds nothing to the mythos, I assume they had a kindergarten writing contest and the loser got to write the story for this game. Then there is the online mode which is the “main” mode. Well the first day it would take about 5-10 minutes to find a full team of 6. There are two modes, regular team play and one life team play. Outside the respawn restriction they are the same. There are only a few different objective types, guess which ones… Yes the same three from the campaign!!! Oh joy! Ok I lie, There is one more, one where there is a big monster BOW that both teams try to kill. So these matches pit two groups against each other while BOWs run around the map. You start with a zombie inhibitor on your back meaning monsters will leave you alone as long as you don't attack them. But if an enemy shoots this backpack it breaks and now everything tries to eat you. That's the extent of the strategy because for the most part online is a total clusterfuck. Most everyone just runs around with the melee axe instant killing everyone. Or people are run crawling while shooting. Some idiot tries to use cover and fails. Half the time I can't see what the fuck is shooting at me. The other half the lag is so bad that some dude teleports from one side of the map to axe me. It's horrendous and lately there is nobody online, yesterday I found three people online, not enough to start a game. So basically online mode is unplayable already on the PC. There is this massive unlock tree which gives new powerful weapons so this would have been an unbalanced mess if people actually played it. I heard this could be fun if you have friends to play with, so if you have five other friends who hate themselves enough to buy this maybe you can have fun but more likely you should all seek counseling. Graphically it's ugly, RE5 looks better than this shit. The music is random techno shit that is on a loop. Everything about this game screams . Do you know what happened when you beat the campaign (I looked at it online because I quit, it's too bad), you get the games trailer! The trailer! Operation Raccoon City was terrible too but at least that had some semblance of a decent game, it was just buggy and unfinished. This is not really buggy, it's just pure shit. It's the worst thing Capcom has allowed with the RE license and that includes garbage movies, some game.com shit, and bad light gun games. Fuck this game. |
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Posted by Dvader Wed, 06 Jul 2016 23:09:48
Look at the response to this review, I need to trash games more often.
"this game is shit, the worst shit that ever shat" score: 8.2
The rest of us: dead.
There is nothing I hate more than the overly dramatic game hater. I played x game that got amazing reviews, I didn't like it "it's shit! I give it a 2!" That's stupid.
UIF giving uncharted 2 a 3, pure stupid. People saying stuff like MGS4 is one of the worst games I ever played is fucking stupid.