Also known as Far Cry 3
| Platform | OVERALL |
|---|---|
| Xbox 360 | 7.80 |
| Overall | 7.80 |
|
Whats up yo! My name is Jason Brody and I am writing this just in case I die in a blaze of fucking glory, someone needs to hear my fuck awesome story. So it all began when me and my bros, some friends, and our girls went on a killer trip Southeast Asia. We were hitting up all the clubs, getting drunk every day, dude it was the SHIIIT. My chick was being a naggy bitch the whole time, like “Jason I want to talk about us. I love you” bullshit, I was like “yo bitch I just want to have a good time!” So I met this dude at the club that says he knows of this island where you can do anything you want, so of course we were all in. We had fucking to skydive into the island bro! I packed my Mountain Dew, got hyped and jumped out of the plane with my crew. When we landed that is when shit went DOWN. Some crazy ass pirates came out of the jungle and captured us! We were all like what the fuck man we just want to get high and shit! They split us up, I was stuck in a cell with my older brother who is a badass ex-army solider. He breaks us out and as we try to escape they kill my awesome brother who clearly was way more suited to handle this situation than me. I escape into the jungle while being chased. I was like fuck fuck fuck fuck, oh my god I am going to die, I want my mommy. Then I fell down a cliff and woke up in a village with this cool African dude with a killer accent telling me I have the spirit of a warrior, I was like dude seriously? I just wanted to save my friends; he told me he would help if I helped him take back the island from the pirates. Take on an entire army to save my friends, sounds like a fucking awesome plan to me so I was like fuck yeah I am in. Then I was like so I don’t know how to fight and he is like “come get this magical tattoo that will teach you skills”. I know what you are thinking, what the fuck is this shit, there are no magical tattoos but dude, bro, there is. So now I know how to use all sorts of dope guns and shit, like all call of duty up in this bitch. I learned how to be a master at stealth hiding in bushes all quiet like then I pop out and kill a motherfucker with a knife. I also had to go meet this Doctor that lived on the hill, so I went and he was high as a kite. He is a doctor of weed yo! I was like fuck yeah this is sweet but he said the weed isn’t for me, instead he has this crazy stuff I have to shoot up. I was like nah bro that stuff is too hard for me I will smoke it though, he said injection is the only way. Shitwhat was I going to do say no, so I injected this yellow liquid in me and WOAH it was crazy shit son! All of a sudden I could see dudes through walls, or protect myself from jungle animals, oh and I could use green stuff to heal myself. Everytime I got shot I just injected myself and bam bullet healed, that’s some Wolverine like shit right there! To make more of these drugs all I had to do was cut plants that were all over the island. Dude, so convenient, it was like the island wanted me to be coked out on this shit. My mission was to take back the island piece by piece by climbing up radio towers and invading camps of the pirates and taking out all them bitches. The radio towers were scattered all across the island, I had to climb them to hack them so that I can see that piece of map on my cell. All these radio towers looked exactly the same and they all were built by some drunk fuck cause I had to climb and jump all the way up like I was fucking Mario or something. All the enemy camps had about 7 to 10 dudes guarding it and if I killed everyone without getting seen my crazy fuck awesome magic tattoo would grow and I could get more powers. So I would usually go in all quiet like and do takedowns on them fuckers. My tattoo showed me how to do the most dope awesome shit ever like takedown a dude and throw his knife at another dudes head! I could chain takedowns if a bunch of them were in a line I would pop out and be all ninja like, stab stab stab mother fuckers you all dead, the white boy ninja strikes again yeah!! Oh and then there are the guns yo, every nice piece you could think of. Pistols, snipers, shotguns, assault rifles , RPGs and even a bow and arrow bro! My tattoo powers and super drugs made me an expert marksman; I was popping fools from like 100 yards away. I could use grenade arrows for my bow and go all Legolas on them assholes. I was becoming a legend on the island; the pirate leaders wanted me dead, especially this fucker named Vaas who had captured my friends. Eventually I saved my brothers girl and my girl and hid them with the high as fuck doctor. My girl was still being such a buzz kill, shes all “your becoming so different” that’s right bitch I am like preppy Rambo now! I got careless and was captured by Vaas who was actually a really cool dude if he wasn’t trying to murder me. I escaped again cause no one can capture THE Jason Brody, I’m so the shit. I would spend hours traveling the island hunting animals so that I could upgrade my equipment, dude get this no one sells bigger wallets or bags. I had to fucking kill a bear, a huge ass bear to make a big bag for my gear. After a while the island got boring as fuck. Go to that radio tower, clear the base, hunt some animals, find old random shit, race around the island. It was the same shit everywhere I went. Some people would want help from me they would ask me to do the most stupid crap ever, like go outside and get this piece of paper I lost. Fuck man why are you so lazy that you cant go outside and get the shit yourself. I was getting bored yo, so I decided to focus more on getting my little bro back. That is when I was sent to the temple of these tribal dudes who all had magical tattoos, apparently I was like some chosen warrior, fuck yeah I am. Then I met the leader, this fine ass chick, she was like “find my dagger to prove yourself”. So after a bunch of missions where I killed the same fucking pirates over and over again I found the knife. Once I brought it back she gave me something to drink, I drank it and holy shit dude I was tripping balls! I was seeing all sorts of crazy visions. Then this giant fucking monster dude appeared and I had to shoot arrows at its head as it threw giant smoke balls at me. I was high as FUCK but it was soo much fun, I wish the island was as interesting as that fucking dream. When I woke up the tribal chick was fucking me! I was like fuck my girlfriend this chick is way hotter so I was like I want to stay here and be your white boy warrior prince and you be my fine ass girl. I still had to kill Vaas and his leader, Hoyt, to take the island back for my tribe of super tattoo dudes. So guess what I did, more of the same shit over and over again! At least killing these fools with my hands is awesome, if not I would be bored as shit. Some of the missions were crazy over the top with me blowing up entire army of these dudes, some car and helicopter chases, James Bond level shit. So that is my story for now, I told you it would be some crazy awesome shit. I have to tell my ex that I found a much hotter chick that worships me, that’s going to be fun. Oh before I go I need to mention these games we play on the island, its like some online multiplayer game. It’s the same bullshit you would play on any average video game, nothing special, also it’s really a pain in the ass to get into a game, same for the co-op missions. I was like fuck this it sucks, back to explore boring ass island. Well I got to get going, the world needs me. I am going to fuck my girl, get high and go kill some fucking pirates! This is the life dude! YOLO motherfuckers, I’m out. |
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Posted by Dvader Fri, 01 Feb 2013 16:08:09
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Fri, 04 Apr 2014 01:10:38
I had a hard time finding this review because of its title. : P I am feeling the repetitiveness, but I still find it incredibly enjoyable...still.
Thu, 10 Apr 2014 16:33:12
Lol, I was wondering about the bump. Many people love fc3 I am not one of them. But I loved blood dragon.
Sat, 12 Apr 2014 15:49:33
I just moved on to the second island, but the real reason I bumped this is to say, "Citra Titties!"
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