It was awhile ago that I watched Daft Punk's feature length anime. So long ago (several days) that I cannot even remember the film's title. This is my memory's fault and not the film's itself, though. But I'm afraid that the film was nothing more than a 60-something minute long music video. Now I like music videos as much as the next guy, especially when it doesn't consist of the band merely playing their music. (Unless they're naked.) But see, this one sort of did. At the beginning anyway. Only it wasn't Daft Punk it was some daft space pop band. After five minutes of a repetitive song. (I should probably mention I'm not the hugest Daft Punk fan. Some of their songs I love, most I don't) Robotnik appeared. It was clear he was evil. He had a moustache.

He plotted from his nightclub ship to capture the poor band meanwhile a wanna-be groupie masturbated to the band's live performance. Now that might seem like a bad thing, but what do you think people do at Britney Spears concerts? You wouldn't believe what 13 year old girls get up to these days. Yikes, don't go to one of them if you don't want to be arrested for paedophilia. Technically it's impossible for a minor to rape you, especially a girl.

Well after he'd had his fantasy fun Robotnik's plan was set into action and he knocked out all the smurf bouncers (smurfs probably aren't a good idea for security) and his team of pink-eyed minors attacked. They knocked out the band with their conjunctivitis and Robotnik's dastardly plan was almost complete. All that was left to do was take advantage of their unconsciousness and strip them naked. Then take them to a factory and wipe their memories.

After this Robotnik sent them to earth where they formed a pop band and demonstrated just how easy it was to become a number one hit. They also demonstrated the fact that people will love a celebrity to the point of suffering: at no point did the band look happy to be playing which just made the sadistic crowd's enjoyment all the greater. Even Daft Punk agreed. When the poor band won an award they were happy for them, despite the fact that they were clearly on a cocktail of heroine, meth and angst.

At this point the groupie had flown into a tree. But this hadn't proved to be a big problem for him because he had turned his guitar into a van. A flying van. He parachuted into one of their concerts, breaking both legs in the process and rescued them. They escaped in the flying van that no longer flew and were attacked by some suits. Luckily the suits were egg-men so killing them did not, you know kill them. (They were too hard boiled to be cracked that easily.)

Unfortunately they killed him. The groupie died despite never having a chance to have sex with any of the band members. He was not a robot. He was dead. Instead of taking him back home for a proper burial they buried him under a tree. Not even the tree that his guitar had crashed into. They ended up at a house in the country. Once inside they stumbled across a giant incinerator made out of 500 records. It was built precariously over a pit of lava. One of the smurfs walked into the incinerator, while Robotnik jumped into the pit of lava and all the suits followed him. Only this time they were coats.

Luckily it wasn't actually an incinerator, but after eating the gone-off robotnik the volcano farts. This eruption destroys the castle. They head to the record company and after violating a janitor they find their previous personalities. The profundity here being that they actually do not have any personality. It's at this point that finally the earthmen decide that their celebrity voyeurism has gone too far, so they stick the aliens into a phallus and shoot them off into space.

Through a warp where Robotnik appears as an apparition that deep throats the phallus, they end up back in their universe. Turns out Robotnik had just vomited them up. Anyway a statue is erected of the dead guy. And he's still dead. They didn't even have sex with the statue.

If they had it would have been a great film/album. But sadly because they didn't it's not.

I may have got a few of the finer plot details a tad wrong, but I think overall it's pretty accurate. Teletubby sex is IN.