Cundall and some of his victims.

What is Gardening Australia’s a Year in Pete’s Patch DVD? Well I will tell you what it is. It is a digital Versatile Disc stock full of the highest quality organic gardening gore erotica. If you put the DVD into your DVD player—and it really is quite simple to do so—then what will happen? The DVD will be ready to play. You may need to wait a few moments for the DVD to start spinning, but as soon as it does you will find yourself on the menu!

Cundall crushing some lettuce.

Now here is where things begin to get tricky. Why is that? I will tell you why: because there are a few options here. The special features while being very informative do not contain a whole lot of gorotica. You must select main feature. Now while you may need to wait a while to harvest the violence, it will not be long before Peter Cundall is stomping green compost and slicing his way through potato roots and leeks.

Cundall fantasising about the next kill.

He does this with a visible level of enjoyment that has a sincerity that is generally lacking in this sort of cinema—especially of the gore kind. As he slices through vegetables music will play, pausing only for him to stop for a moment and speak. What does he say? He tells us how much he loves digging, slicing and stomping away life. Slugs, butterflies and small children—nothing is safe as he squashes the former two, and gives the latter poisoned chives. It is a veritable poetry of death.

Cundall standing over the body of a rose bush.

And while you don’t see him doing it himself, it’s fair to say that he emulsified the fish in his mixture himself—the charcoal? Clearly carbon from human bones.

Cundall defecating on lettuce.

So where does this leave the DVD overall? Well, it leaves it very fulfilling and titillating. One can only think that he could have more fun killing things since the second world and Korean wars! Such is his genuine elation at the anarchy he unleashes on Pete’s Patch that even those viewers who are not so interested in the poetry of violence could still enjoy it. Of course this might lead to unwanted results. Like what? Peter Cundall killing you too.

Cundall breathing in the fine Tasmanian air before he drowns the photographer.

Turns out it wasn’t fish he emulsified