I've been far too positive lately. So in that spirit I've decided to make a list of games I hate. Games that in my mind completely and utterly suck. Now to clarify I'm not going to list games that were never meant to be anything other than functional at best. I'm here to talk about games that were meant to be good. And some people do think they're good (they're wrong). Maybe you're one of these people (and once again I want to emphasize you're wrong). But this is my list so fuck off.
So for the month of February I'm going to give you my list. One new game a day. Look forward to it and feel the hate flowing within you. And here it is in no particular order:
- Faxanadu
- Castlevania: Lords of Shadow
- Tao's Adventure: Curse of the Demon Seal
- Pac-Man (Atari 2600)
- Dr. Franken
- Torin's Passage
- Blues Brothers (SNES)
- Limbo
- X-Men (Sega Genesis)
- Harvest Moon: My Little Shop
- Child of Eden
- Herdy Gerdy
- Final Fantasy X
- Actraiser 2
- SaGa Frontier 2
- Children of Mana
- Assassin's Creed
- Burger Time: World Tour
- The Acceleration of Suguri X
- Spyro the Dragon: Enter the Dragonfly
- Impossible Mission (Atari 7800)
- The Sims
- Double Dragon (NES)
- Rhythm Heaven
- Dragon Quest Monsters: Caravan Heart
- Street Fighter
- Captain Comic (NES)
- Journey
9. X-Men (Sega Genesis)
Ahhhhhh X-Men..... I wanted to love this game so much and dear lord it was bad. I mean, it was a game where you were discouraged from actually using your mutant powers. You had enough for just a handful of uses and then that was it. Totally gone. How did this idea ever pass mustard? The thing that makes the X-Men cool is more or less removed from the game. Brilliant idea. That leaves you with a worse than average platformer with some of the most unforgiving jumps of the 16 bit era. And it wasn't even good fan service. They did a decent job of character selection (Wolverine, Cyclops, Nightcrawler, and Gambit), and had a few more as support characters. But for the boss battles they went into the list of obscure villains no one gives a shit about. The first boss was Selene, the Black Queen. No one cares about her. And then you'd come across Ahab. Who the fuck is Ahab?? He was a one-time villain in Excalibur, a book that even diehard X-men fans didn't like. The game was failed X-men fans and video game fans. Terrible all the way around.
X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse on the SNES was awesome. I never played this one though. Just more proof that SNES kicked Genesis' pathetic ass.
Same.
Blasphemer!
Plus one for the truth!
The 16 bit era was actually very good for the X-Men. Mutant Apocalypse was great. The sequel to the Sega X-men game, Clone Wars, was very good too. There was also Spider-Man & the X-men: Arcade's Revenge for both systems, which was balls to the walls hard, but tried some very ambitious things and was still pretty fun (except for Storm's levels which were awful). The only one that really sucked with this first Genesis game.
10. Harvest Moon: My Little Shop
Okay so established IP that I like - CHECK! Cute unique graphics - CHECK! Gameplay that only allows you 5 minutes of activities each day.... wait what? Yep, the developers took a solid idea and then took a solid shit on it by creating some kind of bizarre system that allowed you to play about 5 minutes each day before there was no unique content. They allowed you to continue playing a minigame where you made ice cream or smoothies, but the story actually moved in real-time, so the days were in fact 24 hours long. The end result is just an exercise in boredom. If you thought regular Harvest Moon was repetitious, just wait till you play this one.
Yeah, this game was shit.
11. Child of Eden
This is the very definition of "self indulgent piece of shit." The trailers for this looked so cool. It make Kinect look like it was actually worth owning. It was all lies however. This is just an average schmup disguised by amazing graphics. Hell, average is really being generous. This game was just bad. Bad and boring. Really it's amazing how something so pretty can still be so incredible dull. I remember finding this at Target for $12, and I was sure it was a pricing mistake. "Child of Eden?? This cheap?? How is that possible??" Then I played it and I understood. Well, let me correct myself. I understood why it was so cheap. I still don't understand the story. It had something to with someone being born in space and being attacked by viruses... I think. Fuck it, I'm not spending anymore time thinking about it. It was bad. End of story.
Xmen clone wars for genesis shits on mutant apocalypse. Genesis wins.