I've been far too positive lately. So in that spirit I've decided to make a list of games I hate. Games that in my mind completely and utterly suck. Now to clarify I'm not going to list games that were never meant to be anything other than functional at best. I'm here to talk about games that were meant to be good. And some people do think they're good (they're wrong). Maybe you're one of these people (and once again I want to emphasize you're wrong). But this is my list so fuck off.
So for the month of February I'm going to give you my list. One new game a day. Look forward to it and feel the hate flowing within you. And here it is in no particular order:
- Faxanadu
- Castlevania: Lords of Shadow
- Tao's Adventure: Curse of the Demon Seal
- Pac-Man (Atari 2600)
- Dr. Franken
- Torin's Passage
- Blues Brothers (SNES)
- Limbo
- X-Men (Sega Genesis)
- Harvest Moon: My Little Shop
- Child of Eden
- Herdy Gerdy
- Final Fantasy X
- Actraiser 2
- SaGa Frontier 2
- Children of Mana
- Assassin's Creed
- Burger Time: World Tour
- The Acceleration of Suguri X
- Spyro the Dragon: Enter the Dragonfly
- Impossible Mission (Atari 7800)
- The Sims
- Double Dragon (NES)
- Rhythm Heaven
- Dragon Quest Monsters: Caravan Heart
- Street Fighter
- Captain Comic (NES)
- Journey
Recently Spotted:
*crickets*
Time is a funny thing. It makes some games seem better than they were and other worse than they were. But in LKS's case, it's actually mellowed me out to it. I don't have it on my shit list anymore. I'd actually go back and give it a second shot if I had it.
Well that's just uncalled for. Without the Gameboy we wouldn't have Pokemon Red, Link's Awakening, or Final Fantasy Legend II. That's more than enough to justify its existance.
6. Torin's Passage
Do you like Sierra Online Adventure games? Of course I do. Do you like games by Al Lowe, creator of Leisure Suit Larry? I have an extremely juvenile sense of humor, so you bet your sweet ass I do! Do you want a new game from him that will allow you to break out of the LSL universe? Fuck yes!! Well then, here's Torin's Passage, a game that if you didn't know better, you'd just assume was a tie-in from a lesser known Disney movie due to the theme and quality.
The game honestly had good intentions. Al wanted to make a funny game that parents and kids would play together, and make them laugh in different parts (kid humor and subtle adult humor). And like so many things that try to appeal to everyone, it ended up appealing to no one (kind of like that children's show Richard Pryor had in the mid 80's). Everything just felt unbalanced from the humor to the puzzles. And the story was a complete mess, as it was meant to have numerous sequels which never appeared. And while I can't prove it... I suspect this game was single handedly responsible for the adventure game crash of the mid/late 90's.
Torin's Passage is $5.99 on GOG.com, and has a user rating of 4.5 out of 5. Once again, you fail at video games, Robio.
If I'm wrong then its a great game at a low price so you should go out and buy it right now.
Nah, that's the crappy DOS version. Win 95, FTW!
7. The Blues Brothers (SNES)
I'm not sure why I thought this game was going to be a good idea. I knew better from the start. I was old enough to know that licensed games were crap, particularly ones like this that had almost nothing to do with the original material. But my best friend and I were big fans of the Blues Brothers, and when I saw that the game was simultaneous two-player I figured it was worth the rent. It was wrong. I would have gotten more joy from a extra value meal at McDonalds. This was just an awful generic platformer that kept playing the Blues Brothers theme song over and over and over. All it did was crap on the memory of John Belushi. Awful hate, and worthy of all the hate you can muster.
I remember that game! Never played it, though.
Didn't know they made one for the N64. o_O
I wasn't familiar with the Blues Brothers 2000 game either. Of all games to get a video game.... that was a really odd choice.